Starting Universa Via

In the month before school started our expectations and plans for the school year turned around. It was a big change that we hope will be for the best.

In Lithuania the start of school is September 1 and it is like a holiday. Children take flowers to teachers, parents attend ceremonies with the children and they don't have a full day (and the whole first week was nor full days)

Universa Via is a private school that is not specifically Catholic or Christian, but all the same emphasizes spiritual life, and chooses the local Catholic parish as a means of promoting that to some extent.

The opening day included a service at the large Catholic church across the street form the school, and just up the road a short bit from LCC. It was a new experience for the boys. And a trying one for mom. The boys have difficulty sitting in any church service and their anticipation of this new school experience made it so much harder.

After the service there was a short ceremony- actually entertaining in the school yard and then the children and parents went into the classroom for some activities that introduces teachers and children. We also learned then that David would have a different teacher than ERik- which we think is good.

There is one group of 6 year olds- the usual age for kindergarten and one for 5 year olds, though Erik says there are 5 year olds in his group too. The difference in the 2 groups really is how fast or detailed they work through the material. And often the 4-5 year olds repeat that class twice.

Since this is connected to an elementary/jr. high school, it follows the schedule of the school rather than if we stayed where we were it would follow the rythmn of day care/preschool.

This school has an emphasis on healthy food as well, no pork! That is quite a statement in Lithuania. Erik came home yesterday, the first he was there for lunch and had not eaten a thing. We are going to have trouble with him. He is quite stubborn. David is eating there so far without trouble. (But at home he has started to be stubborn about eating whenever he does not like the limits we set)

This school has a learning program 9 till 1:30 and then activities are optional or there can be free play. Optional activities will include dance class, European football (Soccer), music, art, theater and so on. And this is included in the fees.

The director realized that we have adopted these boys by some other questions we asked and she offered that they could consider reducing the entrance fee because of that. She also decided to decrease the monthly fee for the second child by 20% which we really appreciate!

We had not planned this school into our budget but after wondering and praying about what to do about our boys' needs throughout the summer, it really seemed like this would be the answer. More attention, smaller classes, no naps which makes going to bed at night - esp. getting to sleep so much easier, and the potential for addon of English instruction too when they are ready for it.

Some things about the schedule are still developing and we are told it will not settle into a regular pattern until October.

Does the speech therapist love God?

(I'm still playing catch up in getting ours news on the blog)

The boys needed to say goodbye to their teachers and speech therapist at their preschool in preparation for switching to the new school on September 1. It was even hard for me to say goodbye to these dear women who had loved our boys during the many transitions they and we made in the first years.

The boys took flowers to them and we took a box of chocolates for the whole staff to share. The director was sure to let me know she wishes us the best but if for any reason the switch does not work out so well, we are welcome to come back.

Erik was not really able to verbally express his goodbyes, but that is typical for him and I have gotten used to recognizing the quiet distress he has inside when he ignores people in saying goodbye. He just does not have skills to deal with those emotions. (my hunch is that until he can deal with the traumatic goodbye that happened when we was very young, goodbyes will always be very hard).

David also avoided the goodbye more than I have seen him do, though the teacher he had the last day did convince him to come closer for a hug.

The next day Erik asked something I will probably always remember- Does our speech therapist love God? We have explained the concept of going to heaven and who goes and who doesn't by this simple understanding- if you love God you will go to heaven. So I believe he was yearning in some way to be able to see this woman again who had made a good connection with him. She had helped him to become functinoal again in Lithuanian language and to feel ok about expressing himself verbally.

Preparing to leave for LT

Some pictures tell some of the end of the story in the USA, more family times, and a visit at the home of JIm and Donna Dombach.

We also spoke in 2 more churches and then expected to wind down in our last week. But we soon learned that Sharon's grandmother was failing quickly. At 94 she was ready to go, but since she had pulled through so many times it was hard to really believe that the end was so real. On Tuesday, we visited and she told me of her wish to pass on while we were still in the states so I could be at the funeral. But now, it seemed she had not made her goal and she did not want me to feel pressured to return for the funeral. We would leave on Monday. But this was one of the last visits she participated in and by the next evening she was not conversing anymore. And on Thursday she was gone. Gregg and I went to say goodbye again on Thursday and perhaps she was still hearing what was happening around her.

It was very interesting for the boys to participate in the viewing and funeral. They were full of questions for the days before and after. They had gotten to know great-grandma a little enough that this death could begin to mean something but not enough to be really upset by it. They wanted to see every detail, the closing of the casket, which is not usually done locally with family watching. And then at the gravesite they wanted to see it lowered which the undertaker also offered he could do since the little ones were so curious. The boys' cousins all got to see it that way, though they would not have been so bold to put their curiousity out there for everyone to see.

So the funeral was Sunday and we flew Monday the 16th. The flights went mostly as expected with one delay while on the plane in Copenhagen. The boys had just fallen asleep though so it worked for us to catch at nap in that delay too!

And we have been settling back in which seems to take a little while. We are about to resume our usual schedule at LCC. But I did manage a quick trip out to the sea tonight and brought back a little evidence! The boys love the sand and running around at the water's edge. It was too rough tonight to really be more than ankle deep.

July

There was a lot of activity in July- Black Rock Retreat, an EMM event for missionary families, visits to professionals, and presentations to supporters and reunion visits of various kinds. We also had the boys in Bible school at a different church this year since Lititz church did not run Bible School this year, and they really enjoyed it.

In between we do impromptu science lessons, like when a bea hive had to been knocked out of the lamp by the door.


We got to play games with my grandmother who is 94, living in assisted living room now. She really does well for her age and the various health problems she keeps overcoming.
And Gregg and I did a first get away for one night to Churchtown Inn and then on to Crystal Cave.













At the end of the month we had a chance to experience Dutch Wonderland together with my sisters' family so the boys each had another child to hand around with. Great Fun. The boys then went to their place in NJ to stay for a couple of days while Gregg and I had 2 days to ourselves... first time since the boys are with us. And it went well! They were clearly glad we were back and made efforts to regain attention but it was gradual too since we were still with Carol's family another day all together and their natural play friends, their cousins were there.

filial: play therapy training

We are in progress for me to learn to do play therapy sessions with the boys individually. A play therapist (psychologist) trains me to structure a play session that allows a child to explore and play out most anything he wants within limits of safety. And it helps to name the feelings the child is experiencing.

The sessions also give the child a way to work out bottled up feelings and experiences from the past as well as to create better bonding to the parent. It is also revealing to the parent as you start to recognize themes in the play time.

Today we had a short session that included one of the boys, and then a short time for me to debrief with the therapist about what she was doing and what themes were coming out. Certainly a revealing process. The themes were not too surprising to me, but it was surprising to see how easily they came out in a totally new setting without using any words really at all.

We will be working on feelings of anger and intense issues for a while it seems.
And it will take a bit of convincing to get him to go back, but the therapist expects we will make more progress and I will get to see more by observing again next week.

I like my birth mother

We take a break from the exciting experiences of the summer in pictures to something that can only really be relayed in words.

The last few days Erik crosses the barrier between a life in complete denial of the existance of a birth mother or another history before the baby house... to talking about his birth mother.

From time to time the boys make some comment assuming me as a birth mother and I have tried to gently mention that they did not start in my belly and remind them of when we met. But now for some reason it is becoming OK to think about. It started with watching a cartoon on PBS kids about babies being born. And Erik announced to me that he loves his birth mother and not me. Of course I told him it is OK to love his birth mother and he can love me too. It did not seem that this idea had occurred to him.

Then by yesterday after another opportunity to clarify for David that he did not develop in my belly, Erik said he likes his birth mother. And David repeated the same. And I said that is good. Then Erik asked what happened to her. Why? Where is she? And I answered in general terms the situation and that seemed to be enough for one day.

Seems like a big breakthrough after these 2 and a half years when Erik would not even allow me to talk about it, or read "his" story from the picture book we had created. There is a lot we do not know, and that is probably alright for this stage of accepting things.

Wilwood weeks

There were two weeks in Wildwood separated by a family reunion in PA with Sharon's extended family. The first week was with Sharon's imediate family where 14 of us were together. The second week, Gregg's side of the family was there as well as his sister Gwen's dog and Gwen's friend Donna.